It has been an interesting few days. A co worker was upset; her child’s birthday has passed. He would have been eight or so, I don’t remember. He was a special needs child named Sam, he had a sweet smile for a little over four years. He makes me want to go home and hug my child. Because she is alive and healthy and happy and we are truly blessed.
The death of a child is something I cannot even begin to fathom. She – my coworker- apologized for being a bit of a hand full during her upset time. She wanted to be okay this year, wanted to be happy about the time she had with him, rather than sad that he was not here now. I told her to keep her apology, she had earned her tears and frustration. She has had to have strength I never want to know about, and if she needed to cry now, she was welcome to the tears.
My house is crowded. My brother is momentarily homeless and he slept on my couch, or rather displaced my invalid, non assertive friend onto the couch and fell asleep on the futon. The invalid is still there and we are now with poet, and Marc Marcel is in town. He’s always a welcome guest. My house seems like a one bedroom apartment for the first time in ages. My husband is hurting physically. Back pain and other strange aliments have plagued him. I wan to attribute it to the new running regimen he has started. He is already visually thinner even though he feels heavier to himself. Running makes one feel that way. But I am so proud of him and all the work he is doing.
So tonight, I am going to do laundry and clean our room. All by myself. Then I’m going to play with Cammy, and do some more scrapbooking. As I get that going I’m gonna start posting my layouts so you guys can see my geekiness in all of its splendor. I love to scrapbook and digital scrapping leaves less for Cammy to get into and turn into her newest play thing. I’m gonna start working on Jerry’s Japan scrapbook, he took enough pictures to warrant his own book all together, so I am going to make one for him and one for his friends back in Japan. I need to work on Cammy’s 1 year book (the year after her birthday, as well as our wedding book still isn’t finished and our family events book is still three years behind.) I got all the pictures and a lot of the journaling done. I just gotta get on the layouts. I’m thinking I may use some templates for some of the basic stuff then flesh it out with some hand made layouts and embellish some digital pages too.
Spoken’s Car dilemma is slowly coming to a close. Difficult car dealers and my friends complete lack of drive to pardon the expression – man up – is making this more difficult than it needs to be, at least for me. Spoken is my girl, nobody can believe I let a grown woman move into my house – however temporary – with me and my husband and kid. But I did, I had my reasons and I’d do it again if it meant she would have that surgery she needed. Spoken her self is a quandary to me. People typically – in my experience -don’t like her on first meeting, cause she can be brash. My family particularly thought she was such the pain. And she does that I believe as a defense thing. I got the impression she feels out of place in family gatherings and responds to all families the way she responds to hers. And my family as F*cked up as we are, they are great, I love them all and they are more welcome in my home than the poets who she (spoken) feels more comfortable with. She has built a family in poets and artists, I belong to that family, but they are not my family. You know My Family. Those people will be there when poets and artists move and disappear and stop calling cause I told them the truth, ect. While my family is mine, and I can’t walk away from them and I look forward to loving them through the truth. Funny though she was never brash with me, and I think if she was just less defensive about being, just being, she might be better, feel better in general. Sometimes she’s exactly what I expect then other times I’m like Where did she go cause you can’t be the same person. For instance the other day she was a tad out of line with Jerry and It had taken until today for me to be alright about it – but if she had that same Umph right now with Josh the stupid car dealer guy and his boss Jeremy I would be better able to understand why she is – but she gets the waif thing going on that totally drives me insane, she even gets all quiet on the phone – YO! SPEAK UP DAWG… I’ma need to hear you, fo’real. You don’t understand? Why are you saying that after the guy hangs up the phone, this is several thousands of dollars here, and a few years of a commitment and you have nothing to say out loud? She asked me, how would I feel if she turned all punk on me, I’m like um aren’t you already? She didn’t like that. Won’t like this section of post either. I think the difference is – she gets mad, hurt or put out and she gets quiet and pessimistic and woe is me. I get mad hurt or what ever and it makes me madder than a mug! I mean you will not just act like I’m gonna take what ever you dish out. Don’t tell me what is absolutely impossible. Like I don’t know what the hell you are taking about. And if I don’t know you better damn well be sure I’m gonna find out. I get woe is me, but man I don’t get to wallow long cause I got things to do. I gotta to get out of this situation. You know?
But I assume this is what friends do, cause this is what I’m doing. And I’ve probably hurt her feelings – the Cristina in me again I guess. I so started to use the Bambi line on somebody this week, but I bit my tongue. So I’m gonna let it go, she’s my girl anyway so what difference does it make?
The DaVinci Code makes for interesting conversation. I personally enjoyed the book immensely. Haven’t sent he movie, cause I liked the book so much, trying not to tarnish it. The idea that Christ had a relationship a real honest to goodness relationship – like man and woman relationship is something that would be just awesome to me. Make him more divine in my eyes. For me God’s greatness is in his humanity. But that is neither here nor there, another post for sure. But the reaction to this fictional book is just hysterical to me. A friend asked me this morning, what I thought – when I pointed out that the DaVinci code is a fictional book, he said
“yeah, yeah but its based on facts.”
“But it’s a fictional book. The author has said on many occasions he wrote it because his wife wanted him to, he just made it up.”
“But all of that about the Council of Nicea that’s true!”
“yes, but the book its self is a work of fiction.”
“You sound like a hard core Christian.”
Imagine my surprise, that my Christianity came into question and only one answer would do.
“I am a hard core Christian.”
“Like live and breath Jesus I mean”
“I do. Why does a fictional book get the right to make anyone question my faith?” there was no answer to that question.
He looked surprised. I thought that was funny. That being a poet, and being me, meant that I couldn’t be a real Christian. The funny thing is though for me, Jesus being married would explain so many things that just didn’t seem to click right for me I believe the bible is the inspired word of God. I believe man a fallible, and thus the bible is quite possibly not untampered with. How ever if one is to put faith into a religion and believe a God, my God created heaven and earth, why would you have such trouble believing that a 66 chapter book would be so hard?
In a December article in The National Review, David Klinhoffer stated, “If I were a Christian…I think I would find it a little disturbing that some fellow Christians do in fact view this novel as a threat to their faith.” He adds the insight, “If the professional educators were doing their job, any believing Catholic past elementary-school age would know that Brown’s book is a total falsehood.” But why has it ever been viewed as more than just entertainment? That is what is most disturbing to me, not just by Christians but by non Christians looking to say Ha! Everything you believe in is fake! Why is that the goal?
I’ve got to get back to work, but I’d love to hear from you guys on this…
